Joseph Smith could NOT have written the Book of Mormon. No Freakin’ Way!

Hat headaches are the worst

A question to the critics,

How did Joseph Smith an uneducated farm-boy write The Book of Mormon? In three months, no less?

Explain that one.

In fact, don’t bother. I’ve heard it all before, I’ll answer for you. Let’s destroy all the non-sensical anti-Mormon arguments one by one.

I’ll state each silly point made from critics and respond in bold italics. Buckle up, this should be fun:

  1. Lehi’s vision is remarkably similar to a dream Joseph Smith’s Dad had years earlier – And what? Who hasn’t had a vision of a tree of life, desirable fruit and people pointing and laughing at those walking towards it? It’s as common as free-falling or being naked in front of a room of people. Nah he definitely didn’t copy that.
  2. 100 of the 350 Book of Mormon names are from the Bible. And a further 100 names are biblical names with a slight twist. — What about the other 100 names? How could he have possibly have thought of those? Check mate. #supernatural #prophet
  3. He ripped off Ethan Smith’s “View of the Hebrews”. – Give me a break, what are the chances that Joseph read or came across a book written in his hometown of Vermont? At the same period of time? Seriously unlikely. Next.
  4. 25–27,000 words and passages are from the Old or New Testament. God’s word is unchanging.
  5. There are 2,000 “And it came to pass” sentences. — Yeah duh!?, a lot came to pass.
  6. There are remarkable similarities with “The Late War” & “The Spalding Manuscript”. — Joseph couldn’t actually read (I heard this in Sunday School once) so this is irrelevant. Meh.
  7. There have been 3919 changes since the first edition of the book, named by Joseph as ‘the most correct book on earth’. – No comment.
  8. Nobody in literary circles is particularly impressed with the Book of Mormon. Mark Twain called it “chloroform in print” and B.H Roberts referred to it as “…a tale told by a child, with utter disregard for consistency.” – Yeah but who are these guys? Mark Twain? Never heard of him, what’s he done with his life? And B.H Roberts… sounds like an uneducated hater who never stepped foot inside a church.
  9. The book was written in the 1800s but uses 17th century King James ‘Bible speak’ for no apparent reason. – Yeah but doesn’t it make it sound all religious and biblical? I think this is what god was going for.
  10. The incorrect idea that Indians were descendants of Hebrews was prevalent and popular around New England at the time. This false idea is the premise for the Book of Mormon story. — How do you know? Were you there in New England at the time? Pfff.
  11. Joseph was listed as the ‘author’ of the Book of Mormon in early editions and later changed his role to translator. — typo.
  12. Joseph was actually surrounded by school-teachers in his family and by all accounts had a vivid imagination and a love and aptitude for learning. — No he was stupid. Fake news.
  13. Joseph was actually 24 when he wrote the book, not 14 as many Mormons get confused. — Please don’t call us Mormons. As the prophet said it offends god. We don’t talk about the multi-million dollar “I’m a Mormon” campaign or mormon.org website. The people behind that were influenced by the devil.
  14. The Book of Mormon has the same errors as the King James Version of the bible when quoting from it, despite this being a supposed direct translation from the original language on plates. — His ways are higher than ours. There will be a reason and it definitely won’t be that Joseph just straight up copied it.
  15. There is reason to believe Joseph didn’t write the book in three months but may have had years to prepare this story. — *translate you mean?
  16. Joseph’s literacy looked pretty impressive from the letters he wrote and sermons he gave. — No he was stupid.
  17. So many of the Book of Mormon stories are remarkably similar to biblical stories. Alma & Paul? Aminadi & Daniel? Ammon & Goliath? — No because Ammon didn’t actually fight a giant. So duh not the same.
  18. The story of the Gadianton band of robbers in the Book of Mormon sounds an awful lot like the Masonic vigilantes sweeping across New England at the time with their secret signs and brotherhood. — Pure coincidence. Was Joseph even a Mason? Doubt it.
  19. Nephi, the main character of the book had two older brothers and three younger brothers. That sounds like a familiar family setup. — Oh please, why would Joseph make a story about himself? What evidence do you have that he enjoyed being the centre of attention? This is getting dumb.
  20. There are endless amounts of books more impressive than Joseph’s Book of Mormon. From A Tale of Two Cities to War & Peace to Lord of the Rings and anything and everything written by Shakespeare. — Yes but they didn’t look into a hat with a stone to write their books. And they were clever, Joseph was really really stupid. Did I mention that?
  21. Abraham Lincoln & Benjamin Franklin had some pretty limited educations yet wrote some impressive stuff. — I only read Mormon material, wouldn’t know.
  22. Mohammed, uneducated and illiterate brought forth a message that has captivated over a billion Muslims. So should we apply the same logic and wonder to the prophet of Islam? — Never heard of him. Where did you read this? Check your sources.
  23. When popular opinion changed and New Englanders believed that Indians had been to America before 600BC (when the Book of Mormon starts), Joseph added another story about the Jaredites, rocking up to the USA in 2500 BC. He added some magic stones to the story too. — But how did Joseph possibly know the history of these people and figure out that Indians came from the middle east? Wow!
  24. The Book of Mormon is demonstrably fictitious as scientists have discovered there is no DNA evidence to suggest American Indians originated from the middle east. — HA you trust scientists, they once thought the world was flat, or one of them did… I think?
  25. The story of the Jaredite barges along with others in the book is completely ridiculous and non-sensical. What? What doesn’t make sense? What is unreasonable about making a rotating windowless barge and carrying every animal, grain, water and human being with faeces & food flying everywhere and animals lashing out for one year on the water? Seems ok to me.
  26. The witnesses only ever saw the plates with their ‘spiritual eyes’ and nobody else including Emma Smith ever saw the plates as they supposedly sat covered with a cloth. Joseph also didn’t look at them once while translating them, despite having had to wait years and years to dig them up. — Yes but he once told a friend that when he arrived at the site of the plates, a toad was there who turned into a man and then hit him on the head and told him to go home. So you have to realise this same toad probably told him to cover them in a cloth and never ever look at them before giving them back to the angel.

Right, I think I’ve cleared that one up then.

If you’re still unconvinced, read it and see for yourself.

Just make sure you read it with an open heart and mind and with an eye of faith. Or in other words sort of believe it before you read it.

And let me know how you get on. If you’ve read the bible you shouldn’t have too many problems, it sounds a lot like it.