Garments Are Hot
I can never understand why so many people struggle with garments.
The sacred underwear, endowed members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints wear day and night.
Just a few dollars for heavenly protection?
Calvin Klein, eat your heart out. What a bargain!
For some reason, it’s the women who seem to complain the most.
And their moans and groans are both tiresome and petty.
So what if you break out in a rash or yeast infection? You’re gonna cry over an itch or bit of fungus? Were the Mormon pioneers comfortable when trekking across frozen wasteland?
And who cares if your panty-liners don’t stay in place when wearing these sacred materials, causing embarrassing and uncomfortable bleeding in public. You’re not the first to bleed for the truth.
Plus it’s that time of the month, quit crying and cheer up. You’re probably just in a bad mood anyway.
Some have referred to garments as “passion killers”. Implying that somehow these divine polyester and cotton knee length shorts and cap-sleeved tops are unattractive and lead to low self-esteem, decreased libido and stand in the way of our divine mandate to make a lot of babies.
Well let me ask you this. Is there anything more attractive and sexually arousing than a woman or man living the gospel to the fullest?
Not in my book.
I’ve heard quibbles over silly things too that I don’t even have the time for. Nonsense about the layering of clothing, the poor sizing, the constant tucking and adjusting around the thighs and buttocks. Critics say this often leads to psychological body image problems, bulimia, depression, relationship breakdowns etc.
Dumb stuff you know?
I even had a stupid friend (and I’m laughing while writing this) tell me he didn’t want to sweat profusely and stink while presenting to clients or while on dates, or wear ‘thermal underwear made from unbreathable fabrics’ in 100 degree west coast heat.
What an illogical, faithless fool. (He’s not my friend anymore).
The fact of the matter is garments aren’t strange at all. It’s completely normal to have a religion dictate to you what underwear you wear, and for how long.(All day and all night, forever for the record).
And have regular check ins with middle aged men behind closed doors, to ensure you are still wearing that same underwear constantly.
And to have your worthiness and moral standing within the church predicated on the underwear you wear and for how long, isn’t cult-like or suffocating or weird in the slightest.
So I’d suggest to anyone struggling, you take a long hard look in the mirror. Adjust the wrinkles, tuck in the oversized shorts, throw away every item of affordable, well made spring and summer clothing you’ve bought (hopefully from City Creek Mall) in the trash.
Reflect. And then repent.
P.S Think it’s a coincidence Joseph Smith was murdered while not wearing his Temple garments?
If only, eh? Bullets would have bounced right off.
P.P.S If it wasn’t for these sacred garments, what would the relief society have to talk about in the corridors every week?
